a God-sized smack in the cabeza...

Madrid, Spain

La Casa de Santibanez

El 2 de Febrero, 2008

7:07pm (12:07pm Denton time)

Ok so I must first apologize for my little Culture Shock outburst. I really am sorry you had to read all about that… I’m doing better now. God smacked me in the head a few times this week (that’s right, Lindsey. Still usin’ it J)

So… this whole post is basically just telling you all of the ways God totally made me feel like a selfish, spoiled idiot this week.

So since I’ve been here in spain, I’ve finished Genesis and gone through a bit of Exodus. The stories that I’ve gone through were Joshua and also the Israelites in Egypt and the plagues…

So, let’s break this down a bit:

• Joshua: sold into slavery by his OWN BROTHERS, taken to a foreign land, separated from everything that he knew and loved… with absolutely no hope of return or even of safety or life…
• Israelites in Egypt: Slaves to a horrible pharaoh who made their lives a living Hell more and more as they (through Moses and Aaron) did EXACTLY as God was telling them to do… doesn’t makes sense, and yet we know that the ending of this story is that God blesses them immensely after they had to experience torture and terrible times even though they did nothing wrong. These things had to be endured by them in order for them to experience and understand the immeasurable power and control of God who was in complete control of the entirety of the situations the whole time… Even when they didn’t see anything good happening…
• Chinese man on CNN the other night (these next two are not from the bible…obviously J): He is forced to live ONE THOUSAND miles away from his 24 yr old wife (who also has to live in a far away town from their home) and his 4 year old son. Their son is raised by grandparent’s since both of his parents are forced to go so far away for work. They get to see their son and be together as a family once a year at the Chinese New Year (which so many Chinese people have not been able to get home for because of the freak snow/ice storms taking out the roads/trains in China lately). He was interviewed and explained that in his life, he is forced to basically suck it up when he is lonely or sad or troubled. He has no one to talk to but himself. He said that if he could only speak with his wife, then he would be able to talk things out and would be a lot better, but he’s not able to see her until the new year. That is so terrible that my heart breaks for that family. Literally. I cannot imagine. Not even where I am right now. I am at least able to go home if I needed/wanted to… you know?
• US (well not just US, I suppose!) troops that are out in some foreign land (as my grandfather reminded me). These troops who have been shipped out by the military/government with no hope of returning home any time soon (if they even have a date to go home) unless it is as a casualty…

I’m a spoiled brat whining about conditions that would be more than some peoples wildest dreams… who the heck do I think I am?? Really…

So anyways. I’m sorry that I’m such a spoiled brat. I’m really trying to love this family. It is so hard sometimes. I really find myself wanting to be gone or hide in my Cinderella-room (J) just to get away from the awkwardness of being around Paloma since she never talks to me and gives me shortest possible answers anytime I try to start conversations or just makes me feel stupid… about things I’m not ignorant about.

Regardless… I am in this house for a reason. Even though it is not the ideal family life that I wanted to be a part of, that doesn’t mean that God didn’t put me here for a reason.

AND at the same time, as frustrating as this situation is sometimes, I could have it so much worse… I really could. I have a pretty sweet setup here.

Praying for patience, warmth within this house, less awkward/forced interactions with the family (mainly Paloma)… thank you so much for all of your prayers. I love you all so very much, and appreciate you more than you know. J

Love,denise.

p.s. school started on Friday and it’s going to be extremely challenging. The professor speaks solamente espanol… only Spanish. Not even explanations are in English and she doesn’t speak slowly… it’s frustrating for us. It is good, but extremely frustrating. Please pray that learning happens quickly and solidly. I’m ready to be at the point where I can eavesdrop on people’s conversations on the metro/bus J haha. I know that sounds terrible, but I’d really just like to know what people are talking about!!! Haha J

p.p.s. also, we’re going to dinner tonight at some really cool dive-place in Madrid that should be pretty cool. OH! We went out and experienced just a little taste of Madrid’s nightlife last night! Not much because we were exhausted pretty quickly and a lot of Marie’s (the girl we went out with) friends are still in the middle of their finals weeks (yeah. weeks! They have 3-4 WEEKS of finals here! Yikes!) so everyone is still studying right now. When they’re done we’ll go out with everyone and I’m sure that will be really fun.

Ridiculous part: one drink in Madrid costs an average of NINE EUROS!!!! That’s like FIFTEEN freaking dollars!!! Are you kidding me??? I like water. Haha. I will not pay that much for one drink. I might get ONE sometime when we go out. But seriously. I’m fine with water. Yeesh. HA.

Ok I’ve gotta run to meet the girls for dinner in Sol! J toodles!

I LOVE YOU!

Madrid, Spain

La Casa de Santibanez

El 3 de Febrero, 2008

2:09pm (7:09am Denton time)

Ok. So my latest dilemma has been whether to stay in this house or switch families… Caitlin, Katie, and their families are all encouraging me to switch. There is a family that lives on floor below Katie that is looking for someone, but no one is applying to the program at this time, so they don’t have a tutor. They are good friends with the family that Katie lives with and I met one of the little girls yesterday. She is ADORABLE! They want me to switch to go to that house… haha. I probably would, but at the same time, the thing holding me back from looking into that is that I don’t want to just quit here if this is the place where God wants me… you know?

Yesterday I was constantly praying about whether to look into switching or not, as I was pretty much ignored by everyone in the house unless I spoke directly to them and I would get those short answers before they would go back to watching tv or doing whatever they were doing (kids and paloma…), so most of the time that I was home yesterday I just stayed in my room… most of the time that I’m here I just stay in my room because the rest of the house is FREEZING cold. Well, and I guess that’s good because, as I learned the other day, I’m not supposed to sit on the couch! So I guess I’d have to sit at the dining room table or something. Haha J

Anyways. so I was praying the whole day to try and figure out if I should or should not look into switching houses… my thoughts went to two options:

1. God could have me at this house to teach me patience or to show love to the kids or other things that I don’t even know right now…but regardless, He could have me right where I’m supposed to be, and He could WANT me to be here… if He does, then I definitely don’t want to pull a Jonah and run away from Nineveh… you know? Well, maybe that’s a terrible comparison but you get what I’m trying to say I hope.

Or…

2. God could have put me here in order to get me to buck up and do something about it since I am definitely NOT a confrontational person, and since I’m such a push-over, people-pleaser…. So he COULD have put me here, just to teach me to make things happen…

See? So how do I know which it is???

I’m going to keep praying. I’m not doing anything unless I hear very clearly from Him that I should go somewhere else… I think that’s probably the safest bet… I hope it is, at least. I just want to do what I’m supposed to and be where I’m supposed to, you know?

Anyways, so if you want to, I would definitely appreciate any and all prayers about this. A lot of you are asking for specific prayer requests… well, here’s one! A biggie! J

So today I was going to go into the city and just probably go to that internet café, but I think that I’m going to just hang around the house and look for opportunities to nudge my foot in the door with the fam… it’s tough to find opportunities for it since there are no meals together or anything… so I’m really not sure what it’s going to look like, but I’m praying for opportunities. I just want them to see me as a part of the family instead of just a tutor that lives in the room upstairs that they have to see for a few hours every day, and then can just avoid the rest of the time… I’m not sure if that’s what God has planned, but that’s what I’d like to see happen…

Anyways. basically I’m just saying that I have no idea what I’m supposed to be doing, but I’m searching for clarity and I’m asking for answers and I’m looking for opportunities to get further into the lives of this family that I live with and really don’t know very well other than what is extremely surface level…

Pray with me?

Thanks, you guys. I love you dearly and I’m looking forward to getting home and hangin with you again in a few months J

Love, denisie

p.s. so meeting the girls for dinner last night was an adventure, by the way. Caitlin’s mom was in town on a flight assignment which was really cool! I’m so glad she got to hang with her mom! She’s been looking forward to it so much! Anyways, so we were all going to meet up for dinner, but her mom was sick, so the three of us were just going to go to this place that her mom suggested, but we met up outside the metro and searched and walked and walked and walked and never found it… haha

BUT I think that we found the train station that has a forest or something inside of it! We’re going to go back sometime during the day to see if that’s what it was J haha but the building was so cool. We took pictures in front of it. I’ll take better pics in the daytime so that you can see the whole thing.

Oh, also we were SO touristy on Friday. It was funny. Marie took us around and showed us this really cool cathedral and La Palacio Royal. It was so beautiful. Some of it was under construction, so it blocked the awesome view of the city from the hill, but it was ok. I took a video from the courtyard of the palace and I’m going to try to figure out how to post that for you J then you can “meet” Marie! Haha

And Katie and I saw La Plaza Mayor on accident when we went to the wrong place to meet up with Marie for lunch! Haha J so that was pretty cool. There are murals painted all on one part of the building. The whole thing is so beautiful. And larger than life, for real. Whoa.

Ok. Going down for lunch! J love.

Also, can I just say that I love these girls that are here in spain with me. It is so nice to have friends to pray with and a solid support group here. I’m so thankful for that. OH… that reminds me. I want to make a list of the things I’m so thankful to have here… most of it will seem silly but just incase you travel to another country maybe it’ll be helpful for you to have a list of “must-haves” haha J